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-from the archives-

For the last several weeks, I have been eagerly anticipating delivery of my MAC Cosmetics Professional discount card in the mail.  This has caused me to actually pay attention to mail delivery, its frequency and content.  Normally, I just toss it all in a pile and open it once a week or so.  I find that my mail is mostly dull, full of bills and unnecessary credit card offers, and by opening it less frequently, I minimize my boredom and make fewer trips to the recycling bin.

Before this, I could honestly tell you that I thought I received mail every day, except Sundays.  But waiting for the delivery of this card has completely opened my eyes.  The US Postal Service has stopped delivering mail to my street.

Okay, that’s an exaggeration.

In reality, I believe that my zip code is part of a clandestine test marketing schema to ascertain whether anyone complains about mail delivery cutbacks.   I believe that the USPS has started to deliver mail three times per week.  On the fourth day they just dump some flyers containing coupons in your mailbox.  Specifically, those newspaper-y ones that are really thick that look like you have lots of mail but you don’t.  Instead, you just have something that seems impossible to grab, and when you lift it out of the mailbox it falls apart and you suddenly have 75 pages of newspaper that you are trying to bring in the house with one hand while simultaneously carrying a purse and computer bag over the same shoulder, while shutting off the beeping house alarm with the other hand, using your hip to keep the screen door open, and one foot to keep the cats inside the house.  The other foot is needed for balance, but somehow ends up having to take on the role of dragging the newspaper-y advertisements into the house before the kitties decide you’ve brought them a new form of litter.  Yes, these are the papers that take up a lot of space in your mailbox, so you think you have lots of things to open.

And after you throw them away, you worry that maybe your MAC Cosmetics Professional discount card got stuck in between the pages, so you feel compelled to go through the advertisements to double check.  And perhaps you discover a discount coupon that is quite useful (e.g. $3 off of L’Oreal products) but reminds you that what you really want is being held hostage at the USPS.  This seems to happen on Thursdays.

Clearly this card has caught my attention. I’m EXCITED about this.  I love make-up. I just need access to the stupid card and life will be perfect.

So, back to the conspiracy being conducted by the US Postal Service.  I know for a fact that a friend of mine mailed a letter to me over a week ago.  Maybe a bit less than a week. I guess I really don’t know this as a “fact” per se. But, in any case, I’m waiting for a letter. And I sent away for a magazine subscription to Allure and I haven’t gotten that, either.

I did, however, receive a book in the mail.  It was from my father.  The book is about a horse.  My dad had enclosed a note that simply said “Per your request”.  Curious, I opened the book. The pages are yellowed and some are dog-eared.  And on the inside front cover, a very young me had written in childish cursive “Property of Erika.  If found, return to owner”.

I’m not sure when he mailed it. Judging from the yellow pages, it could have been quite awhile ago.  LOL. But at least I have something to read while I wait for the mail.

Whenever it comes…